Your writing is good, at least much better than most people that make games, the plot was terrible, i thought it was okay up until you jumped to the "We are soldiers, catch fishes... my son" and whatever that thing at the end was. You definitely were well set up until you sped the story to the parent and that shit at the end it got cheesy. If you set
Havent you ever watched cowboy bebop? I think copic would have been better to use instead of colored pencils if you have them.
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